Love versus Lust

Now this is a hot topic…

Lately, I’ve been reading and watching several romances. Some out of nostalgia (I've read or watched them before), others because I heard they were popular and have a good storyline, and still others for fun.

Now, as you know, I feel VERY strongly about what is considered love and what actually isn’t. In the strict sense - love is about desiring the good of the other. Lust on the other hand is self-seeking pleasure where the other person isn’t considered.

Sure, there can be some “gray-area” per say about the actions. Lines can blur especially when we’re talking about passionate love, which should happen between a married couple (call me old-fashioned but that’s how I see it).

Anyways, I was reading a very popular book that came out when I was in middle school and I had never read it until earlier this month. At first, I was giving it the benefit of the doubt. It didn’t have an abundance of major swear words or explicit scenes. Even the language used was alright. Keep in mind this is a YA fiction novel. As I kept reading, the book felt drier. The plot was dragging, I couldn’t understand a lot of what was going on, I didn’t feel entertained, and if anything I kept feeling frustrated towards the main female character. I found myself skimming it towards book three and four. The only reason why I stayed with it was because I really wanted to know what was going to happen between the two main characters.

Turns out, they “kinda” ended up together. When I tell you I was so frustrated… my sisters got an earful of my strong opinion about the whole story.

Looking back at the book, I realized why a lot of it just didn’t click for me in terms of what a romantic relationship is meant to be like. The two characters came from a difficult background which, don’t get me wrong, can be used for an amazing story. Instead of it being something they were trying to overcome and embrace as part of their identity, they kept making choices that were objectively wrong. It was justified as “this is what I’m supposed to do because I know what’s best”. Obviously, it only felt like they were digging a deeper grave. It was implied that they had sex, but there was no real commitment towards each other except that they “felt passionately about each other”. Their “I love you”s were quickly overshadowed by their own decisions and refusing to make any sacrifice for each other. Like at all. It seemed that making a sacrifice for the other could never go above their own selfishness. It was very clearly pointed out in the book.

Like dude… it just disappointed me, to be very honest. And these are the kind of novels that thirteen to fifteen year olds are reading and thinking that it’s completely normal behavior in a relationship????? (Yes, my voice got increasingly higher towards the end there)

These relationships are being normalized, even romanticized. And they’re still calling it “love”. It’s not love; it’s lust. Love is not about committing to a person only when it feels good and when you have a strong attraction to the other. At that rate, your relationship won’t last very long.

Now, on the flip-side, I read another popular YA novel that had an AMAZING main male character. The girl was imperfect, but she was striving to do the right thing. It was also set in a dystopian fantasy world and had high-stakes. I could clearly feel the tension between the two , there was heartbreak, and there was sacrifice. It was really well-written and I found myself crying the first time I read it. My sisters also heard plenty of my gushing over the book. I LOVED IT.

Now, unfortunately there were a few things that were mentioned in this book that go against my beliefs, so I won’t release the title’s name on here, but send me an email if you’d be interested in reading it. I’ll make sure to give you proper warnings and you can decide if you’d like to read it or not.

Anyway, both books just highlighted so clearly the difference of a love that is sacrificial over a love that is self-seeking. The love that is sacrificial will forever win my heart over a self-seeking pleasure. The thing about lust is that we were never made for this kind of love. We were never made to feel used. Don’t let the entrainment industry deceive you into believing that lust is romantic… cuz it’s really not. Not when there is a passionate love that waits, sacrifices, and puts you above selfish desires.

I’ve ranted long enough ;) I think I’ll be creating a part 2 on this topic…

Praying for you always <3